What came over me? No. Seriously, something did come over me.
The problem with me is you.Really it is.
I didn’t know what i was doing.
I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.
It was the devil! No, God!
He gave me an F.
We are familiar with that part of us that relegates blame
to some seen or unseen third party right? Perfect. I want to do a cute little
talk on it. As some of my more assertive friends would say, ‘let us thrash this
matter’, or at least, let us try to. There’s almost always no harm in trying
out stuff(unless by trying out stuff, you mean trying out poisonous substances,
or trying to see if a concentrated acid bath would do what it is said to do- in
which case i cannot really assure you that there is no harm in trying- or other
downright dangerous escapades)
WHO IS TO
BLAME?
The first time i actively discussed this particular topic
was some months ago during my internship when my fellow intern (name withheld J) proposed a theory.
Which is not in any way new, i must add.
“We should all take responsibility for our actions and
conditions. The world would be a better place if we learned to do this” He
said. “Man is getting too used to blaming others for his misfortune. In his own
eyes, he is absolutely blameless”. I was not overly impressed with my
colleague’s speech, because i felt that, surely, i was not guilty of pushing
the blame to other people. In fact, i saw myself as someone who actively tried
not to put the blame on others. Or, was I?
My intern friend gave me an example of what he meant.
“When you are holding a book,” he said “and it falls down,
what do you usually say has happened?”
“Em,…”
“You say, ‘my book has fallen down’… Right?”
I nodded.
“That’s it!” He exclaimed “Now, with that statement, you are
indirectly implying that your book, which is inanimate, suddenly acquired a
life of its own, and left your hand of its own accord, then, fell down. All by
itself. You are suggesting that it was the book’s own fault”
Not sure what to reply, i listened.
“The appropriate thing to say would be ‘I dropped my book’.
See? ...taking responsibility!”
I saw the subtle blame shift and got more than a little
interested in this matter. This sweet blame shift game we play as humans. We
did not misplace our keys, rather, our keys got lost. We do not cook bad food;
the food just turns out bad. The reason our car didn't start this morning is
the government. My primary school teacher is the reason i suck at music!
EM, SHOULD
WE SCRATCH THE WORD “MISTAKE”?
Let us define a mistake in this context as an action that is not deliberate.
So what action is really not deliberate?Let us say that I let myself get into a
battle of words with someone, feelings get high and i use my knowledge of my
opponent to come up with and say something particularly hurtful. My opponent is
deflated, hurt like i intended, and immensely broken. I feel remorseful, so i
say that i made a mistake.
“I didn’t mean to say
that. It just came out”
Oh well, I’m pretty
sure i meant to say it. I fully intended to be mean to him. or her.
A more responsible
thing to say would be “I’m sorry i was mean to you. I regret purposefully
attempting to hurt you, and succeeding.”
Or, maybe i put a little too much pepper in the soup. Apart
from the instance where my hand is suddenly pushed by an external object and
the pepper flies into the soup accidentally, i most deliberately put that
amount of pepper in the soup, consciously and deliberately.A more lets-take-full-responsibility concession would be
'My faulty judgement resulted in this peppery soup' instead of 'I mistakenly added too much pepper'.
anyway, Why SHOULDN'T i blame others? WHO’S GAINING?
Still,
one wonders what exactly would be the point of not making it a point of duty to
assign blame on everyone else but ourselves.
I
have a few ideas …
First,
mentally, we become directly responsible for our acts. Imagine if i stopped
blaming the education system for my personal shortcomings as a student and
blamed instead my lack of adequate work? Imagine if i stopped blaming my genes
for my obesity and instead blamed my junk consumption?
I
become aware that the power is in my hands and that is the one of the first
steps towards change, i believe; knowing you can.
Imagine
if i stopped blaming my past for my present mistakes, if i instead blamed my
current ineptitudes on my present. What happens is I stop believing that they
belong to a realm which i cannot control due to its being extinct and realize
that i have the ability to influence them now!
The 'energy',time,intellectual resource used in apportioning blame (Even when we really feel/know the other person is rightly to be blamed) might do better things if directed at more constructive exploits. I think.
Need
i say more?
Well,
I’m trying not to risk making this way too long. (It is long enough already).
Kudos if you got to the end.( This is the end).
Oh, learn how to argue with me here :)
Oh, learn how to argue with me here :)
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BTW, The picture below is practically unrelated to this post. It's just a joke photo i chanced upon and happened to like. :)
Beautiful writeup.. I totally agree with you.. We shift blames to people at the slightest opportunity but I think the most upsetting is the one attributed to witches...how can someone who sleeps without protecting himself against mosquitoes fall sick and say the witches in the village are disturbing him or you refuse to take medication and blame your delayed wellness on someone else...to cut the story short #TakeResponsibility
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